Cali Crazy: A Texan’s Take on the Golden State—Weed wars, wicked words and wacky women


Howdy, folks. I know it’s been awhile, but I’ve been awful busy. This Texan has been in a real-live (seemingly) Alamo—over pot, no less. Except this time, our side’s got plenty of big guns and ammo and just as much gumption.

In our battle against local pot growers bringing commercial cannabis into our little county via the ballot, we’ve more than held our own. But for the duration of this war (three more weeks), we’ve still got work to do.

But we just came away victorious in a debate put on by a local nonpartisan yet partisan group. We did real good. Not bad for a few old retirees who were just gittin’ started a year ago. In case, you don’t know—I’m our Webmaster, social media admin, and marketing/opinion writer.

Now, look at us. We got a website, yard signs, banners, brochures and over a thousand like-minded fellow voters.

Wicked words this way come

Our group is a lean, mean fightin’ machine, but we need all the armor we can get. Seems like every day we get ambushed by the silliest of accusations. The latest is that we signed up a bunch of dead people in the 1,000-strong names list we published in the local paper.

During the other side’s social media hissy fit, they tell each other strongly that these dead people oughta complain to the county and to the paper. Somethin’s gotta be done, they say. Dang … a year ago, things were a lot more friendly.

No more. In the months since I got into this fight over whether to allow a bunch of growers to write our pot laws for us, things have taken some nasty turns.

The growers and those in their posse call me: a liar, transplant, a lonely man with a computer, impotent, idiot, stupid, ignorant, a horrible person, a propagandist, a f…ing moron, a parasite, a sneaky rat, a media whore, a crybaby loser, a stupid sh*t, a cretin, a manipulator, deceitful, a public nuisance, a menace to the community, a hypocrite, a fraud, and dangerous. Period.

These are pretty good, but my favorite’s gotta be this:

I’m a gaslighter.

I had to look that one up. As gaslighter is a rascal who uses repetitive lies to get people to doubt their own reality. It’s like mind control. Evidently, dictators and psychopaths use it to control others.

According to my Facebook enemies, when I’m not on my Xbox (got an Xbox One, by the way), I’m mind-controlling a bunch of old folks to oppose the growers makin’ it legal to grow up to a million pounds of pot every year. That’s enough bud to supply each county voter with up to 88 pounds.

And it’s not like all that weed will stay here. These growers want to use our land to grow it and then sell most of it out of county. California produces seven to ten times as much as it can use anyhow.

And the weird thing about everything is this: The majority of the abuse is coming from local women. Now, I get that Facebookers are primarily ladies, but the ladies I’m used to—the ones in God’s Country—act a little more ladylike.

Ahab’s after me.

There’s one in particular who really has it out for me. I’m like her White Whale and she’s my Captain Ahab. She even comes to this blog to try to dig up some dirt on me, I guess. Then she posts my posts on the local growers’ Facebook group page.

Shoot, woman—keep ‘er comin’—there’s nuthin’ like free air time and more exposure. I guess it goes to show you that obsession ain’t all that strategic.

If this spitfire wants to shut me down and save the community from the menace I’ve become, sharing my Texas wisdom with her gang of growers ain’t the best way to go about it.

Not only is she a mean one, she treats my opposition to her group’s goals as a personal attack. Instead of just chalking it up to strong disagreement, it’s like she’d like to tan my hide in the public square and run me outta Dodge.

Everything’s a conspiracy to this woman. She recently accused a fella on our side of being a paid operative. Heck, I don’t even get paid. If he’s on the take, where’s mine?

She even questioned his county credentials by lining ’em up next to hers. When push came to shove, it turns out his family’s been in these parts since the 1880s. He beats hers by 40 years.

I’m a good guy. Ask my posse.

C’mon, now, lady—as the song goes—there ain’t no good guy, there ain’t no bad guy. There’s only you and me and we just disagree. Ooh, Ooh, OOH, oh, oh, OH.

Just because I don’t agree that cannabis cures EVERYTHING doesn’t mean I’m a liar and gaslighter. My strong opinions and disagreements with you and yours over pot, doesn’t mean you gotta be so ugly. And the only gaslighting I ever done was in high school with a lighter and a belly full of beans.

Just relax. Once this whole crazy cannabis thing is done and decided, we’ll still be neighbors . Heck, we’ll see each other at the Safeway, at county fairs, while getting gas, and maybe even at softball games—if the wife and I ever get around to having a young-un—or ten.

Well, anyways, that’s all I got. The celebrated cannabis kerfuffle in my little ‘ol California county is about to be decided by us voters … for now.

It’s been a big, bruisin’ battle. Here’s hopin’ it won’t turn into an all-out weed war.

8 Replies to “Cali Crazy: A Texan’s Take on the Golden State—Weed wars, wicked words and wacky women”

  1. Seriously Patrick “ladylike”? Someday you need to tell me your definitions of “ladylike” and “manly”. It is hard to fathom how you haven’t heard of gaslighting or calling names or lies. Have you heard of Donald Trump or the GOP or that “religion” that believes the only sins are not owning a gun, not taking away every woman’s voice over her own body, being a Democrat and oh wanting separation of church and state. Oh I forgot about that whole mulligan thing for serial adulterers. Do you know how many times adultery is mentioned in the Bible? It is mentioned twice in the Commandments – doing it and thinking about it – just like stealing. I am still wondering what happed to the 10 Commandments and the Command on how to treat others. I always believed we were ALL God’s children. There is also the big one about loving God above anything else – even money. Um, as to pot, I understand protecting this earth from things you think spoil it. This earth is God’s gift to us to take care of and nurture. Mother Nature seems very unhappy this year.

    My happy place is the Lake Tahoe area. I grew up camping there. I love the smell. My very favorite are aspen trees. We have always tried to go up in October just so I can see the golden aspens. Of course I enjoy the green ones too with the fluttering leave. Our boys know where to spread our ashes and some day I will actually be part of an aspen. This year my back is not being nice so we might have to skip it. I see God in every leaf, every rolling hill and the oaks in the foothills too.

    I have had arthritis for decades and at 70 I find it harder to cope with the daily pain. Years ago I had access to an unlimited never ending supply of hydrocodone. I was never hooked because I only took it when I couldn’t stand myself another minute. Then the uproar about addiction so I quit taking it. I went back to the doctor a while back and told him I could not function on 3 hours sleep a night. They no longer prescribe hydrocodone unless you have cancer or are recovering from surgery. Pretty smart of the drug companies to get doctors to jump start an epidemic and when they have made buckets of money and enough people die a drug company has now supposedly come up with a cure. Job security at its finest. I got my cannabis card and use the creams and tablets at night to get some sleep.

    Peace Patrick and I am so happy to see you writing again.

    We have a brand new granddaughter! She is number 9 and will probably be the last grandchild. She is 1 month old and her name is Evelyn. My family is so blessed and I count my blessing often in this hateful time. Nothing soothes the soul like holding an infant. The circle of life! Our oldest grandchild, he is 21, enlisted in the Army this year and is stationed in Kansas. He also got married. So someday maybe we will start anew with great grandchildren.

    1. Hi, Joanne

      Good to hear from you. Ladylike and manly? I would say honesty and civility for both words are the defining qualities for me in this context.

      Nope, never heard of gaslighting until I was accused of it. It seems like a co-opted word to me. Not going to get into the Trump discussion. I will say that I don’t think he’s smart enough to be a gaslighter. Flamethrower? Yep.

      Also, I’m not against cannabis in terms of its health potential. I’d love to see the Feds reschedule it and study the tar out of it. Whatever we can squeeze from it in terms of medical uses is alright by me.

      Here’s a secret for you: I’ve got my 215 card, too. Shhhh. :-).

      Congrats on your granddaughter. Number 9? Wow! I’m WAY behind you. In the army in Kansas, huh? Doesn’t get any more American than that ;-).


        1. You KNOW I’m kidding about God having a country and it being Texas ;-). We both know he has the whole world in his hands.

  2. Things were a lot more friendly in Plumas County before you started your war on its citizens that are native to this region. And yes, we don’t appreciate the personal attacks that you give individually on a daily basis. As for the person who called you a menace to our town, she was right. You have caused more discourse in our community in a year than most people do in their lifetime here. And it’s not because there is a disagreement about cannabis. It’s because you have plotted to win by dragging others through the mud. It’s not nice. It’s not friendly and as professional as others have been, you have not. You have called normal citizens of our county “criminals”. You have accused the author of our local measure of being “high” when she wrote it, even though she does not use cannabis at all. You have called names and post false information knowingly. In fact, you posted something accusing the yes on Measure B folks of lying about something your side actually wrote in your ballot elections arguments. It’s pretty hard to call it a lie when you file it with the county elections office. Anyway, you should think about what it is to be a person of God. I’m pretty sure you’re failing in his eyes in the name of “saving California”. We don’t need you to save us.

    1. You see, folks, this is my Ahab, under a pseudonym.

      To fend off yet another personal attack from the captain who now goes by Cindy, I offer only this: I have no beef with my adopted county’s citizens; my beef is with a certain group of growers’ self-serving commercial cannabis ordinance.

      Mud dragging? Winning at all costs? Look in the mirror, Ahab. You’re the one hurling harpoons.

      Thanks for making the point of my post. And for commenting. You can use your real name next time; I know who you are, sakuragirl.

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